No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
