I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
