need another drink. this is the easiest way
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
