You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
