I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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