Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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