just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
