Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
