Your dad touched me again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
