and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
