They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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