i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
