ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
