I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
