Screwed.edu
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
