glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
