So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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