idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
