I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i have two assholes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
