I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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