Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
