I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
