I think scott just propositioned me for sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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