drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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