who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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