shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize