Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize