It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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