I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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