how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
