the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
