he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
