Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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