We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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