Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize