Your tits are I can't wait for
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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