No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I FOUND THE LEGS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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