Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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