Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
