I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
