I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
