We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize