I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
