I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
