Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
