my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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