she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
