I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
