Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
