i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
