yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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