I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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