I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
