do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
