Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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