why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
