as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
