He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
FUCK WHALES
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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