At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
