she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
