I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
