ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize