she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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