You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
