I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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