Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
