I didn't shave. On purpose
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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