i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
