I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
